do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
