neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
