I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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