Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
