the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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