Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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