That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
