So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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