I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
