recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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