I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
