I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
