haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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