Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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