The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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