i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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