Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
