i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
