The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you made out with another girl for some wings
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
