I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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