just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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