we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
