Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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