I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
