Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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