You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
