; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
