We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
