it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
