Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
