I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
