sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My life is pants optional.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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