Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
should my penis look like a turkey
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
