I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
