the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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