i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
