I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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