you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
