Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
