Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
