Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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