I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
