I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
