Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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