My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
