That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
