I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I supernannyed him into submission
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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