he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
