drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
