She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
