Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
