Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
