Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
