I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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