I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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