I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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