wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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