I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
