just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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