I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
