I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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