Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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