Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
