he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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