So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
