I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
