I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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