Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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