Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.