I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
These tits shall not be calmed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
