but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?