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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"

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• (817): View more from Texas

  MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage

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• (65): View more from

  Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!

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• (518): View more from New York

  I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush

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