Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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