Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.

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  (818): Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life. http://tfl.nu/wz8b
  Replies (10) Good night (598) Bad night (1191)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets

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  (906): quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets http://tfl.nu/q9v7
  Replies (11) Good night (669) Bad night (2494)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  its not stalking. its research.

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  (610): its not stalking. its research. http://tfl.nu/qywi
  Replies (21) Good night (3353) Bad night (724)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.

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  (763): My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching. http://tfl.nu/0wz9
  Replies (13) Good night (602) Bad night (5405)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY

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  (864): she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY http://tfl.nu/d7k6
  Replies (20) Good night (6253) Bad night (726)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

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  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (11387) Bad night (1034)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken

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  (508): The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken http://tfl.nu/dqor
  Replies (17) Good night (891) Bad night (5846)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"

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  (540): you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out" http://tfl.nu/77z0
  Replies (17) Good night (4798) Bad night (1694)
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  (510): View more from California

  listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.

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  (510): listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'. http://tfl.nu/236r
  Replies (22) Good night (3425) Bad night (996)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!

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  (910): Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?! http://tfl.nu/gina
  Replies (13) Good night (1244) Bad night (6568)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.

  (623): View more from Arizona

  and by single i mean slutty

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  (623): just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single. (623): and by single i mean slutty http://tfl.nu/aczn
  Replies (12) Good night (3465) Bad night (980)
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  (916): View more from California

  Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties

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  (916): Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties http://tfl.nu/1wl7
  Replies (3) Good night (1352) Bad night (434)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.

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  (404): Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/r7qw
  Replies (10) Good night (2040) Bad night (497)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.

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  (202): Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship. http://tfl.nu/usel
  Replies (13) Good night (493) Bad night (2257)
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  (310): View more from California

  I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.

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  (310): I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life. http://tfl.nu/0deg
  Replies (6) Good night (1108) Bad night (269)

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