i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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