You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.