My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?