Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
