His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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