When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
